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High Moral Standards: “

Mormons are known for their high moral standards. Some people think those standards are old-fashioned or out of touch, but Mormons know those standards protect them from many of life’s challenges and help them to live up to standards God himself has set.

Too many of our young men and women are succumbing to the pressures imposed by a world saturated with evil messages and immoral behavior. Lucifer is waging a vicious war for the souls of young and old alike, and the casualty count is climbing. The standards of the world have shifted like the sands of a windblown desert. That which was once unheard of or unacceptable is now commonplace. The world’s perspective has been so dramatically altered that those who choose to adhere to traditional standards of morality are viewed as strange, almost as though they must justify their desire to keep the commandments of God.

But one thing is certain: the commandments have not changed. Let there be no mistake about that. Right is still right. Wrong is still wrong, no matter how cleverly cloaked in respectability or political correctness. We believe in chastity before marriage and fidelity ever after. That standard is an absolute standard of truth. It is neither subject to public opinion polls nor dependent upon situation or circumstance. There is no need to debate it or other gospel standards. (See M. Russell Ballard, ‘Like a Flame Unquenchable,’ Ensign, May 1999, 85.)

People often think they’re modern and sophisticated when they ignore traditional values. However, ignoring God’s commandments always comes with consequences. Children grow up without the benefits of both a mother and a father. Poverty sometimes results, although poverty can, of course, happen to those who live righteously as well. Some diseases are passed only through immorality. Immoral choices tear apart families through pornography or infidelity.

Sheri L. Dew, a former leader of the Mormon Relief Society and now the head of a major religious publishing company said, ‘Several years ago, I participated in an international policy forum where the discussion moved from prostitution to pornography to abortion and so on. When the moderator invited me to comment, I noted that it seemed impossible not to notice a common theme—that every thorny issue had immoral underpinnings.’ (See Sheri L. Dew: The Power of Virtue.)

Relative morality is a dangerous thing. We alter morality to suit the standards chosen by television and movies, rock stars, and political action groups. We let popular culture decide what is right, and yet popular culture has no authority, no long-range vision, and sometimes no responsibility for the consequences of the course they choose. They seldom care about the consequences…they’re just after the attention and influence. Consequences aren’t their problem. Too often people with influence say, ‘I just tell people what I think. What they do with it and what happens as a result isn’t my problem.’ But, of course, it is.

There comes a time of reckoning for everyone. No one lives forever in a mortal state. Eventually we all die and stand before God to account for the choices we made, the influence we had over others, and the consequences of our actions. God made commandments and He didn’t make them for entertainment value. He meant them to be kept.

Jesus spoke firmly to the Pharisees about their habit of altering the gospel to suit current fads or personal ‘freedom.’

6 He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.

7 Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

8 For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do.

9 And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition (Mark 7:6-9, King James Bible)

Jesus understood the danger of constantly changing moral standards, based on nothing but personal opinions of people. Only in a world that consistently follows certain essential principles of morality are people truly safe from dangerous fads and whims. It’s easy to say, ‘But these are modern times and this is how we do things.’ By the time we understand the dangers of that fad, it is usually too late.

As an example, using a non-moral issue, a number of years ago a state decided to mandate a method of teaching reading using the force of law. Teachers, who had far more experience than lawmakers, protested loudly that it would not work, and yet the decision was made by people with no real understanding of the process of teaching reading or the consequences of their decision. They only knew this was an ‘exciting’ new fad, modern and popular. They jumped on the bandwagon of popular opinion. Four or five years later, they admitted the method was a complete failure and that thousands of children could not read as a result. Much of an entire generation suffered because lawmakers were more interested in being modern and popular than in worrying about the well-being of the children they were responsible for. They admitted their mistake, but they could not undo the damage caused by their irresponsible passion for fads. The children who could read were largely taught at home using methods that had long been proven worthy.

In the same way, many people today are making decisions about right and wrong without the eternal knowledge or authority to do so. By the time they see the dangers of their decisions and the damage it has caused those under their influence, it will be too late. They can apologize, but they may not be able to undo the damage caused by their choices.

We need not compromise. We must not compromise. The candle that the Lord has lighted in this dispensation can become as a light unto the whole world, and others seeing our good works can be led to glorify our Father in Heaven and emulate in their own lives the examples they have observed in ours.

Beginning with you and me, there can be an entire people who, by the virtue of our lives in our homes, in our vocations, even in our amusements, can become as a city upon a hill to which men may look and learn, and an ensign to the nations from which the people of the earth may gather strength,’ (Gordon B. Hinckley, A City upon a Hill,’ Ensign, Jul 1990, 2.)

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Mary Jane Knights, “After Divorce: Clearing the Hurdles,” Ensign, Aug 1985, 50

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This talk has some very good content on:

Being Spiritually in Tune

Learning to Forgive

Divorce often creates feelings of bitterness. These feelings are not unusual, but peace will come to you only when you learn to forgive both your former mate and yourself. President Gordon B. Hinckley, in counseling us to ask the Lord for strength to forgive, cites the Savior’s example. On Calvary, in his most terrible hour, the Lord cried out, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34.) President Hinckley points out that “brooding [over past wrongs] becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker.” He asks, “Is there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of forgiving and forgetting?” (Ensign, Nov. 1980, p. 62.)

For many divorced people, bad feelings persist long after the divorce itself is final. Untruths told by a former spouse can be especially painful. Resist the temptation to quarrel or to tell family and friends about your former spouse’s mistakes in an effort to “get even” or to justify your position.

“I finally decided,” says one divorced man, “that everything does not have to be ‘set right.’ Sometimes it is impossible. We are what and who we are. Our true friends and family know us well and will not believe idle gossip. The better way is to ‘let it go’—as chaff in the air. Attempted answers only nurture the tale and require a greater accusation next time. It takes two to make an argument. When one is silent, there is no dispute. Far more is accomplished with a smile and a soft word.”

Elder Marvin J. Ashton has given this counsel: “We need not quarrel or compete. … We need not spend our time in retaliation. … How disarming it must be to [one’s] enemies [and the Adversary] to see the valiant moving forward with poise and dignity under all challenging circumstances. … Doing the will of God on a daily basis leaves no time for contention or confrontation.” (Ensign, Nov. 1980, p. 60.)

“I find it helpful,” says one woman, “to pray away my anger. I pray for the spirit of the Holy Ghost to prompt me to say the right thing even when I don’t have time to stop and think what to say. I find I end up swallowing a lot of words that don’t need to be said.”

Keeping a Positive Attitude

Strengthening Your Self-image

Making New Friends and Keeping the Old

Alleviating Loneliness

Making It as a Single Parent

Looking Forward, Not Back

What Each of Us Can Do to Help

Thomas B. Holman, “Choosing and Being the Right Spouse,” Ensign, Sep 2002, 62–67

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Making the Decision

After thoughtfully and prayerfully considering all of these factors, we must be sure the decision we make is based on inspiration, not infatuation or desperation. As we seek a spiritual confirmation, we need to keep at least five things in mind.

First, we must be worthy to receive the inspiration we need.

Second, we must understand the balance between agency and inspiration. As Elder McConkie taught, “We make our own choices, and then we present the matter to the Lord and get his approving, ratifying seal.” 17 The experience of one young man illustrates this: “There are two things in my life that I’ve always felt would be important: a career and marriage. Yet at the time I didn’t feel like I was getting a response. I prayed, ‘Heavenly Father, this is so important, I need to know whether or not it’s right.’ Then toward the end of our courtship, I went to the temple. I was so frustrated because I wasn’t getting an answer either way. After praying and waiting for an answer, I got more frustrated and gave up. That was when an impression came to me: ‘You already know the answer.’ Then I realized that God had answered my prayers. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. And later, at the time of the ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was doing was right.”

Third, we may seek several witnesses if we feel the need for additional confirmation. Sometimes we may have difficulty distinguishing between spiritual impressions and our own emotions, desires, or fears. A spiritual witness may be confirmed again in various ways. In His infinite love, mercy, and patience, our Heavenly Father is generous with His counsel and response to His children.

Fourth, we can learn to discern the differences between inspiration, infatuation, and desperation. Inspiration, as we have already seen, comes when one is living worthily, exercises agency righteously, and studies the situation out carefully. It can be confirmed by multiple spiritual enlightenments and peaceful feelings (see D&C 6:15, 22–23). Infatuation is usually manifest by an immature “love” that includes great anxiety, possessiveness, selfishness, clinging, and overdependence; this may be more likely with individuals who lack emotional and spiritual maturity. Desperation is often associated with social or cultural circumstances that create an atmosphere (at least in the person’s mind) of “now or never”; pressure from peers, family, or cultural norms may lead to an unwise decision. A desire to get away from an unpleasant family situation or fear of failure in school or work can cause someone to look desperately to marriage as a way out of a problem. Such fears and anxieties often speak so loudly in our minds that we cannot hear the still, small whisperings of the Holy Spirit.

Fifth, the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved. A person should not feel that if his or her prospective partner receives a confirmation, he or she is therefore released from the necessity of seeking a similar personal confirmation. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has discussed this issue: “If a revelation is outside the limits of stewardship, you know it is not from the Lord, and you are not bound by it. I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship.” 18

Not long ago, my wife, Linda, and I were reminiscing about our courtship, and as I looked back, it seemed to me that I had been immature and inexperienced. I asked how she had dared to marry me. Her simple answer was, “I saw potential.”