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New Era
October 2004

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Here’s an excerpt:

“One young woman allowed a young man to kiss her and later discovered that he had also kissed someone else he was dating. She felt betrayed. Why? Because his expressions of affection didn’t carry the level of commitment she thought they did. This kind of miscommunication often leads to hurt feelings and tears. President Thomas S. Monson, First Counselor in the First Presidency, cautioned, “Men, take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears.” 2

Had this couple communicated better in words what expressions of affection mean, they would have postponed the sharing of affection and avoided the heartache that comes when it appears that one has lied with his actions.

Likewise, young women should not put young men in awkward or uncomfortable situations by their actions. They have an equal obligation to keep affection within appropriate bounds.

Remember, before you are married, you will be more respected and more attractive for the affection you withhold than for the affection you give.
Save Your Kisses

While I am aware of no counsel on whether kissing should be reserved only for post-mission dating or courtship, I am aware of plenty of counsel concerning honesty in our actions and treating others with respect and kindness. Casual attitudes about expressions of affection such as kissing can cause much grief and heartache.

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught: “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?” 3

Notice the words President Kimball used to describe a kiss: affection, honor, admiration, sacredness. Kissing and other expressions of affection communicate powerful messages of commitment that others may believe and act on. If you don’t have a commitment, your actions are dishonest and likely harmful. Two thousand years ago, someone else’s actions didn’t match his words either. Listen to the stinging rebuke: “Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?” (Luke 22:48). Judas used a symbol of affection as a tool of betrayal. We should not leave others feeling betrayed by our actions.
Can We Talk?

Another reason for being careful with our physical expressions of affection is that they can interfere with the development of a healthy long-term relationship, even marriage. Brother Lowell Bennion, an LDS author, has written: “Once a couple begins to share affection in a physical way, this activity tends to become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious faith, moral values, and goals.”

So when is the right time to share affection? Brother Bennion continues: “Affection should grow out of genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be sure of having real and lasting love in marriage. Kissing for the sake of kissing invites more affection, and many fine young people become more deeply involved than they actually wish to be.” 4

Too much sharing of physical affection can cloud thinking to the point that a couple doesn’t really know why they like to be together, other than the opportunity to share affection. A couple may even get married, and when the honeymoon is over and they’re back to everyday life, they may discover they have little to talk about. One wise bishop suggested that if young adults feel that their relationship is too physical, they should try spending the next two weeks without even holding hands to see if they still enjoy being together.”

Brothers and sisters, I am delighted to be with you on this special occasion. I am sorry that Sister Nelson has a cold and a cough that has kept her at home. I am overwhelmed by this large congregation of young adults. Many more are gathered throughout North America, Central America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, and the isles of the sea. I pray for the Spirit of the Lord to be with us. Since these proceedings are being translated into 28 languages, we also pray for our translators.

To each young adult I bring greetings and love from President Gordon B. Hinckley, President Thomas S. Monson, President James E. Faust, and my Brethren of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. We thank you for your faith, your devotion, and your desire to serve the Lord. We love each one of you.

I would like you to stop taking notes, just for a moment, and do some personal soul-searching. Tonight you are eager and young. Most of you are students with great ambitions for the future. Now I want you to think. I want you to think about yourself, not as you are, but as you may become—50 years from now. Through your imaginary time tunnel, look at yourself as you will be then. Your broad minds and narrow waists have traded places. You are finished with your career. Your working days are over—no more time clocks to punch or paychecks to collect. Are you with me?

Now, here are my questions: What do you see in yourself 50 years from now? What do you want to be 50 years from now? What do you really want, most of all, 50 years from now?

I think I can hear your minds working. Some of you might say, “I just want to be alive 50 years from now.” Not a bad idea. Accidents and illnesses are part of mortality, which means that some of you won’t be here 50 years from now. But most of you will. So plan for the rule, not the exception. Some of you see fame or fortune in your future. And most of you want families.

If Sister Nelson were here, I would invite her to stand beside me. As you know, man is not without the woman in the Lord.1 Perhaps our being together could help you in your planning and achieving what you want to become. The title of my message tonight is “Faith and Families.” Purposely, I have listed faith first. That has always been the lodestar for our married life: to have faith to seek first the kingdom of God. We have learned that unshakable faith in the Lord enriches married life and love. Faith in Him increases one’s very capacity to love, both quantitatively and qualitatively.

More than 50 years ago we were young adults, as you are now. This photograph was taken at that time. We were both university students. [A photograph of them as a young couple was shown.] I was a sophomore premedical student; she was a freshman on a scholarship. We were very much in love. I think you can sense that in the photo. Brethren, you can’t blame me for being in love with her, can you?

Thank you for showing the photo. We really don’t look like that anymore. But to me, Sister Nelson is now even more beautiful!

My career as a doctor of medicine has been completed. All of my many surgical operations have been done. Likewise, Sister Nelson has had extremely demanding responsibilities as a mother of 10 children. I forgot to mention that our first nine children were all little girls. Our home was like a girls’ dormitory, until our one and only son came along. Poor boy! He didn’t know who his real mother was for his first couple of years.

Now Sister Nelson’s life has matured. She has taken on a less rigorous role as grandmother of our grandchildren, many of whom are here this evening. Would all members of our family please stand for a moment? I would like the cameramen to focus upon you so others can see you as well. We are blessed with 56 grandchildren and 14 great-grandchildren. Our newest grandchild is here—only two weeks old. Those numbers are likely to increase.

I considered showing photos of each of our 106 family members. Then I thought of the grandmother traveling in an airplane beside a stranger. Her animated conversation about her family led to her asking, “Did I show you a picture of my grandchildren?”

Her seatmate replied, “No! And thank you!”

Russell M. Nelson was a member of the Quorum of
the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
when this fireside was given on 6 February 2005.

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